


Stuck Somewhere I Don’t Belong

by Hold_My_Headphones



Series: 1995 JATP Roommates Verse [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (Alex’s parents don’t react well to his coming out), Alex's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Angsty-Angst-Angst-Angst, Child Abuse, Coming Out, Gen, Homophobia, LIKE SERIOUS ANGST, hold_my_headphones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hold_My_Headphones/pseuds/Hold_My_Headphones
Summary: “You are notgay, Alex.” He spat out the words as if they burned his tongue, looking disgusted even at the notion of his son being‘one of them’.“I will notlet yoube gay. Alex.”“Dad, it’s who I am. It’s not something I can turn off and on-”“Nonsense!Alex.Youare choosing this. You will stop this behaviour right now.” Alex blinked back tears furiously, knowing he had barely minutes till they spilled over the edge.((Parts of the 1995 roommates verse but can be read as a stand-alone))((In which Alex comes out to his parents and they don’t react well))
Series: 1995 JATP Roommates Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933975
Comments: 16
Kudos: 205





	Stuck Somewhere I Don’t Belong

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo kinda angsty but I hope y’all like it  
> Trigger warnings:  
> -homophobia  
> -child abuse (Alex’s parents aren’t pleased with their child being gay)
> 
> (Alex’s dad uses the word ‘queer’ as an insult in this mainly because I felt uncomfortable using the word f** and at the time the q-word was still widely used as an insult)

_ This isn’t gonna be a big deal, she loves you no matter what. _Alex’s legs were trembling and his hands were quivering, doubt shot through him violently.  _Maybe he just shouldn’t tell them?_ It was just three words. They weren’t a religious family, or anything. It wouldn’t be a big deal.  _ Would it?  _ He opened his mouth a few times, then immediately slamming it shut –  was this really a good idea?

_ No. Yes. He needed to say it. _

He allowed himself one last broken breath and said the words-

“Mom, I’m gay.”

Her tone was light and melodic when she responded. “No you’re not, honey.”

“Mom, are you listening?”

“Of course I am, honey.”

“I’m gay. _I like boys_. ”

She sounded steely now, her voice was brittle and unfamiliar, as if daring him to say it again. “ _No. You are not, honey_.”  There was a sense of finality in her voice, a warning that Alex better shut up _ right that moment. _

“Ok, Mom, Sorry- Actually, no Mom. I need to tell you this, Mom” _Why was he saying the word ‘Mom’ so much? Was he trying to remind her that he was still her son? That nothing had changed? Or was he just looking for words to fill his sentence, delaying the final blow?_ “I’m gay, Mom.”

This time, she didn’t contradict him – she didn’t say anything at all. She lifted her head, giving him an assessing look, but her eyes didn’t hold the love he was used to seeing in her kind brown orbs.

She raised her hand.

_ What was happening? _

He heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

It took him a few seconds to comprehend the pain in his cheek.

Another few seconds to break out of his haze and hear her shouting something up the stairs. “Robert! Robert! Come here  _right now_!”

In the mirror, he could see the vicious red handprint mark branded on his face.

He felt a sharp ache in his right, it was her hand, hooked into his shoulder, pushing him into the kitchen chair.  


“Sit down,  don’t move. ” Her hand went up again. This time, Alex knew what was happening, but his movements were sluggish, as if his brain wasn’t functioning. The pain was more acute this time, and his cheek smarted – but his brain was numb.

_ No. No. It wasn’t meant to go like this. No. Stop. _

Alex wanted to cry out, to scream “ _Mom! Please, it’s still me!_ ” But he felt…  _disjointed_. His heart was racing a cheetah’s pace, but his brain was at a complete standstill. Words weren’t coming out of his mouth, just falling into the endless black oblivion that was the gaping hole in his brain at that moment.

Her hand was on his shoulder again. But the touch wasn’t loving, it was bruising. There was a sort of anger in it, almost. But also a sense of separation, it was as if the emotion was behind a glass wall, as if to say  _ you aren’t my son anymore. _

His dad had come down the stairs, clearly annoyed. He had been watching the match, Alex dimly recalled. His dad had announced it so jovially just after Alex had come back from school that say. The memory seemed fuzzy now, even though it had been only earlier that day – _it was as if he was watching everything a world away_.

They were talking to each other angrily in hushed voices. Like a jury, deciding a victim’s fate.

But when his dad spoke, his voice was calm – there was none of the expected fury, just gentle questioning. “Alex, Mom’s telling me that you think you’re gay?”

_ He could have revoked it all then, said that he was confused and laughed it off. They probably would have accepted it and been glad to have their son back. _

Their _son back. _

_ Because if Alex was gay – he wasn’t their son. _

_ He could have taken it all back, but he didn’t. _

“Yeah, Dad. I am.”

“Alex, this isn’t the time for jokes.”

“I’m not joking around, Dad.”

“You are not  _ gay, _ Alex.” He spat out the words as if they burned his tongue, looking disgusted even at the notion of his son being _‘_ _one of them_ ’.

“I will not _let you _ be gay. Alex.”

“Dad, it’s who I  am.  It’s not something I can turn off and on-”

“ _Nonsense!_ Alex. _You_ are choosing this. You will stop this behaviour right now.”  Alex blinked back tears furiously, knowing he had barely minutes till they spilled over the edge.

“I can’t change it, Dad. Please, _please_ -”

“Do not call me Dad, you  _queer_.” _And, hell. If those words didn’t hurt like a brittle knife to the chest._

Then, the shouting began.

~~ His dad~~ _He_ began yelling at Alex, screaming profanities and insults and slurs. Then she joined in, grabbing him by the collar, yanking him up till they were eye to eye.  


“Alex, stop this behaviour right now!  Who did this to you?”

“No one, Mom. Please, Mom. Please. I didn’t choose this, I wish I could change it. _I’m sorry.” _

“You are no son of mine, not like this.”  _ Please, no. Not her too.  _

“Well ‘ _sorry_ ’ isn’t good enough.” It was  his dad’s turn to wrench him upwards by the collar – but this time, there were no words. No questions. No slurs. Just the undiluted hatred on his dad’s face as he struck Alex, sending him sprawling down onto the floor.

Alex’s head collided with a resounding  thunk  with the wooden mantle. His father roughly snatched his arm and pulled him up again, his face twisting into a vicious scowl, bringing his fisted hand down onto Alex’s face, leaving him to slam into the wall once again. 

“Go. _Get out._ Don’t come back until you  fix yourself . You have five minutes to leave.  _Queer_.”

Alex dragged himself upstairs on staggering legs, painfully aware of the tears splashing down his face. Reaching to touch the back of his head, his hand came back stained crimson red. Alex blindly searched for the bag he had packed for their upcoming tour, tears blurring his vision.

_ Where could he go? _

_ Oh. _

He went through the mechanical motions of checking he had the basics in his pack, stopping to grab his fanny pack before rushing outside through the back door - avoiding  his parents them .

Alex rushed through the streets of Hollywood, relying on muscle memory to take him where he needed to go. Once he reached his destination, he stood outside of the deep blue door for a few minutes, collecting his breath. He checked his watch;

_Eleven pm_

_ Hopefully he would still be awake. _

He raised his fist and began tentatively knocking on the door;

”Alex, man? What are you doing here- woah, dude! What happened? Is everything OK?”

“Hey Luke. Yeah, I’m fine. Um, can I stay here for the night?”


End file.
